I realized why I've felt a disconnect between my life and the things I typically share on my blog. I'm just not in a very project-y, "life is good, let me show you the pictures" kind of place right now. Yes, I have been crafting and sewing and shopping and cooking and homemaking and visiting inspiring places, but underneath is grief and some upheaval of purpose that seems to keep me from posting about those things.
Last year, when I started making more conscious efforts to focus on what matters most in my life, it felt connected to my preparations for motherhood. I chose to slow down, be home more, focus on family. I said no to projects and simplified the projects I did do. It often ran against my grain, but I felt it was important, part of a higher purpose. I hoped, assumed even, that this time of change would seamlessly blend into pregnancy and motherhood, but it did not. Now, in the midst of that heartache, I sense the need to continue these difficult changes anyway.
So, I'm doing it. I'm working on my daily living. I'm thinking about my marriage, my home, my spirituality, my creativity, my health, my future and trying to care for those things. I'm starting to think that consistency matters far more than I've ever cared to acknowledge and (begrudgingly, at times) trying to learn how to be consistent.
Bleh, it sure feels boring at times. I don't want to blog about boring! You certainly don't need to see the daily stack of clean dishes on my counter (though having the stack be clean on a regular basis is definitely new around here). And I don't want to blog incessantly about heartache, although there are days when I feel chin deep in it. But I do want to blog about life and what my life is. So for now, that it occasionally means sharing some slogging and working through change. Bare* with me, I know the changes will also bring beauty I promise to share too!
*This is why I need an editor. (J.B., you've got the job!) This was not intended to be an invitation to go skinny dipping. Although skinny dipping with all of you lovely bloggers would probably bring a bit of beauty to the world, it would simply be one more thing I wouldn't photograph. This isn't one of those sites.