Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Life these days

I realized why I've felt a disconnect between my life and the things I typically share on my blog. I'm just not in a very project-y, "life is good, let me show you the pictures" kind of place right now. Yes, I have been crafting and sewing and shopping and cooking and homemaking and visiting inspiring places, but underneath is grief and some upheaval of purpose that seems to keep me from posting about those things.

Last year, when I started making more conscious efforts to focus on what matters most in my life, it felt connected to my preparations for motherhood. I chose to slow down, be home more, focus on family. I said no to projects and simplified the projects I did do. It often ran against my grain, but I felt it was important, part of a higher purpose. I hoped, assumed even, that this time of change would seamlessly blend into pregnancy and motherhood, but it did not. Now, in the midst of that heartache, I sense the need to continue these difficult changes anyway.

So, I'm doing it. I'm working on my daily living. I'm thinking about my marriage, my home, my spirituality, my creativity, my health, my future and trying to care for those things. I'm starting to think that consistency matters far more than I've ever cared to acknowledge and (begrudgingly, at times) trying to learn how to be consistent.

Bleh, it sure feels boring at times. I don't want to blog about boring! You certainly don't need to see the daily stack of clean dishes on my counter (though having the stack be clean on a regular basis is definitely new around here). And I don't want to blog incessantly about heartache, although there are days when I feel chin deep in it. But I do want to blog about life and what my life is. So for now, that it occasionally means sharing some slogging and working through change. Bare* with me, I know the changes will also bring beauty I promise to share too!

*This is why I need an editor. (J.B., you've got the job!) This was not intended to be an invitation to go skinny dipping. Although skinny dipping with all of you lovely bloggers would probably bring a bit of beauty to the world, it would simply be one more thing I wouldn't photograph. This isn't one of those sites.

12 comments:

Heart Mommy said...

On the days when it feels like the saddness is suffocating. Remember we love you! That we are sorry your arms ache... AND, that we know you're gonna make a awesome momma!!!!

Jen said...

Thanks for sharing a little of what you are going through. For different reasons, I've been feeling similarly about blogging! I'll still be checking in with you.
And keep faith, it'll happen when and how it's supposed to!

J.B. said...

While I don't want my comment to indicate a hardened response to any heartache, I would like to focus on the baring of things. I will bare with you. What are we going to bare? People bathe nekkid in the river here, so we totally could bare all. Could you bear it (wink)? I heart you!!!

Amy said...

I'm interested in you whether your days are filled with beauty or heartache. Share what feels comfortable and you never know who you might touch or how it might affect you.

Beverooni said...

Sometimes we feel like we are on a roller coaster and other times we feel like we are begin dragged through the mud and mire. What you are feeling is perfectly natural and so don't distress too much about it. One day and a time (one minute at a time if necessary) and before you know it things will be better and appear brighter than you though possible. Remember you are never alone in your joy or your sorrows.

Beverooni said...

P.S. Talk about needing an editor -- you quit work and suddenly your spelling goes to POT!

BUMBLE BEANS said...

Hi Dolly dear! I'm feeling with you. I know what this means to you, and I support you! And if you need to go skinny dipping, well, What the heck!

Keep the faith my dear. life is leading you somewhere special.

jenny said...

I am sorry your heart aches. I love reading your posts either way. You are amazing! You are so talented and kind. I know your day to be a mom will come. I still think it just takes time to prepare you for the quadruplets to come! You and Ross will make fabulous parents. I know it is going to work out somehow! We love you!!!!

Jessica said...

Andrea- I'm sending warm thoughts to you. I'm sorry you feel this way and I hope that soon things head on the up-swing.

myinspired♥{sandra} said...

So sorry you've been feeling down..... I'm sending prayers and {hugs} your way.

thelewisfamily said...

I think sometimes people feel like all they can post on their blog is how great and wonderful life is and keep what makes life, life, to themself. Or, perhaps they just choose not to share the painful and private part of their life with the world of blogging.

People who read your blog share in your excitement of how projects are turning out, or in your love of how beautiful the world is, I trust that they too would share in your sorrows.

dmoms said...

write what ever feels right on any given day. somedays I wonder why in the heck i blog in the first place. I am feeling that way today.