Should I yes or should I no, now?

I just finished reading this post, which Jen ends with an invitation to join her in living a "simpler life", including saying "no even if I feel obligated to say yes". Ladies and gentlemen, someone's singing my song.

The past year has involved a lot of saying no. No to sewing projects. No to volunteering. No to dance projects. No to opportunities. No to quilt-alongs. No to jobs. No to swaps. No to travel. No to purchases. No to crafting. Sometimes I've said yes to those things, when in my heart I knew I needed to say, "Nope. Not this time." Little by little though, I'm working on that no.

Here in the blogging world of YES! YES! YES!, I sometimes feel a bit displaced. Heavens, in the regular world of "What do you do?", "What are you working on?" and "What's new?", I feel out of place. As I say no more frequently, I often wonder what I'm saying yes to*. Little by little, yeses have started peeking through. They excite me, and at times overwhelm me.

For today though, here's a YES to Jen's invite for simple living and savoring family. That's one I can definitely say yes to!

p.s. Said no to trying to find a photo to accompany this post and yes to going to bed at only a "crazy late", instead of a "totally insanely late" hour.

*Hermanacita....see how freeing that preposition at the end of a sentence is? You should try it some time.

Moments: Creating order

Creating sometimes seems to make only chaos.

(The same bed from yesterday's post on peace...12 hours later.)

Creating sometimes makes delicious order.

(When in doubt for dinner, hubby's omelets are a sure bet! With leftover squash? Yum!)

p.s. Does eating a banana with my ice cream pie make my breakfast healthy? Someone needs to buy cereal...and bread...and T.P. around here. Guess that's me! Bye for now.

Moments: Peace

I'm needing a break from such long posts, so inspired by Amy's "Moments" idea....

The sweetest moment of my day yesterday was just after I turned off all the lights in our apartment on my way to bed. From the darkness of the hall, I came around the corner to the gentle light of our bedroom where I saw my honey tucked in bed, reading. The soft light from lamp, the cozy blankets wrapped around him, knowing I was about to snuggle up next to him...it was all comfort and peace.

I love that feeling!

On the cutting board and on the needles

Two new projects I've been wanting to do for years:

First, a Christmas tree skirt made from our old pants and skirts.

I'm using:

• pattern paper from a friend to design it
  
• lace from my grandma's stash
• tweedy cotton (that I thought was wool when my honey wore it)
• velvety embroidered fabric from a skirt I wore in high school to our Argo Society activities, like attending the opera (I did not, however, wear it to the hockey game we went to)
• corduroy and khaki fabric from both our work pants
• new trim, yet to be determined, but almost certainly from here (ooooooh! They have free shipping for orders over $25. If can't get to the NY shop, do you want to visit their online one!)
  

Second, a lace shawl. This lace shawl.


It was all the online rage several years ago, but I could never convince myself to fork over the $20+ to buy the Rowan magazine it was in. Amy even kindly checked to see if she had it among her knitting library. It's just been on my brain again this fall.

Then, by a series of coincidences (begun by fabric.com including yarn in the shop), I discovered the pattern is online (here!) at Rowan. FOR FREE!!! That my favorite yarn, was also on sale only sealed the deal. (Yes, several people have told me it looks like I'm knitting with hair...but it's MO-hair ladies and gentlemen!)

I'd been knitting for about a week and a half by the time I finished the first skein. I remembered reading that several people had run out of yarn with this pattern, so I thought I better check to make sure I was on track to finish with enough yarn. (There's some crazy math involved as you start with nearly 300 stitches and knit down to one.) After calculating the thousands of stitches I'd knit and the thousands yet to go, I realized I probably wasn't going to have enough. Aaaaaargh!

(Insert your own version of ensuing debate over whether to order more yarn that is now not on sale and won't qualify for free shipping that you may or may not need, depending on how the rest of your knitting goes. Or start over from the beginning, with only 10-20 fewer stitches, which will add up to thousands over the whole shawl.)

I ripped it out. The whole skein. I felt really calm while I did it, then frustrated and compulsive to get it back on the needles. Oh those first few rows of 300 stitches are soooooooooo long. But they are coming. I certainly hope my math was right!

How do you feel when you start a project? Or when you start it....again?

Contentment in a Pie Plate

When hubster was first called to serve in the Spanish-speaking congregation 2 years ago, we had an open house the weekend after Thanksgiving to get to know people. This year, we decided to do a repeat to socialize with the same people, who are now our friends.

I started making pie baking plans. Easy ones, like cream cheese and ice cream pies. Standards, like apple and pumpkin. Cream pies and fruit pies. Pies with meringue topping and those with whipped cream topping. Perhaps a tart or two. Old family recipes and new experiments. 20 pies was my goal.


Two years ago, my busy, anxious baking dervish had gone crazy making all kinds of cakes, breads and cookies. It was productive, fun even (in a challenging, adrenaline rush way) but flavored throughout by the ongoing theme song of anxiety. Would we have enough? Would they like any of my American desserts, breads and cookies? Would they be offended by the lack of "real" food (no meat or rice or beans), or by my horrible Spanish, or by our home, or by a gringo serving the congregation? Would they see the places I hadn't scrubbed? Would we have enough chairs? All these things keeping me in an mild (to not so mild) state of distress while I prepare to supposedly open my heart and home to new people.

As I started rolling out my first pie crusts this year, I felt those familiar feelings creeping in. This needed to be cleaned, that needed to be baked, this needed to be bought, that needed to be prepared, etc. etc. etc. And the what if's. Then I stopped.

I like making pies. I reminded myself again. I like this. When do I get to spend two whole days making pies??? And so I decided to enjoy it.

I started humming Patty Griffin. I thought of all the memories I have of making pies with my dad and my sister. I thought of how many pies we used to make together at Thanksgiving. I let myself try new recipes. I stopped to play a rocking drum solo or two with my honey on his new toy. I enjoyed eating out on Friday night at a favorite greasy spoon burger place, rather than rushing home to bake some more. I let myself go to bed when it was time.

I didn't make 20 pies.

And all of it? It was lovely. The pies. Time baking. New recipes. The feeling between me and my husband. Time with friends. Doing something I love. Holding cute babies. Laughing at the boy who hid out under the table, emerging only for another slice of apple pie. Meeting a couple recently baptized. Being invited to a guest's house for dinner this week. Listening to a five-year old's reading of "Where the Wild Things Are".

It felt good to truly open my heart, relax and just enjoy.

How do you find contentment?

(Sour Cream Apple Crumb & Dad's Famous Apple Pie)

If you'd like to enjoy my new favorite pie (an experiment that worked, yeah!), here's the recipe:

Sour Cream Apple Crumb Pie

For crust:
1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup unsalted butter, cold
Ice-cold water

For filling:
6-8 apples (preferably Mutsu/Crispin, Ida Reds or Granny Smith)
1 cup sugar (or less if you like a bit of tartness in your pie!)
2 Tbls flour
Cinnamon
Nutmeg
1 cup sour cream

Crumb topping:
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup chopped pecans
3 Tbls butter

Prepare crust: Mix flour and salt. Cut in butter to make course crumbs. Gradually add just enough water to form larger clumps of dough, while stirring with a fork. You want the dough to stick together when clumped by hand, but not be overly wet. The drier the dough, the flakier your crust. Form into large disk with your hands and then roll out on a well floured cutting board, making repairs to the edges as you go. Transfer to pie plate, flute edges as desired and trim off excess dough.

Prepare filling: Peel, core and slice apples. Add sugar, flour, cinnamon and nutmeg. Stir 'til evenly coated. Add sourcream. Stir thoroughly. Pour apples into crust.

Prepare topping: Mix flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter to make course crumbs. Stir in pecans. Pour evenly on top of apples.

Cover edges of crust with foil. (Next time I think I'll try covering the entire crumb topping with foil for part of the baking time or chop my pecans smaller. The exposed edges of my pecans burned!)

Bake at 400 for 40-50 minutes. Let cool before serving for the filling to set. Enjoy, preferably with ice cream!

First Free-Motion Quilted Quilt!

** Note: This was originally titled "First Machine Quilted Quilt". 'Twas not the truth. What I meant was this is my first big project that I've quilted using free-motion machine quilting, but that is simply too long for a title.
Apologies for any confusion.**

A few weeks ago, I finished the quilt for Craft Hope's project 5, but in the rush to get it out the door, I was lucky to get a any pictures of it, let alone post about it. Here's a belated peek at the final product.

I was finally able to figure out free-motion flowers for the white blocks! Yeah!!!

I was excited about doing some free-motion quilting on a real quilt, rather than a small quilted project, like a table runner, but it was definitely a learning process...

...designing a continuous line pattern and attempting it,
...laughing and how my quilting SO didn't match my design,
...figuring out why my tension was horribly off in parts and fine in others
(stitch length it seemed),
...unpicking and practicing a more consistent stitch length,
...modifying my design and trying again
...being satisfied with my flowers, but laughing out-loud again at the bizarre quilting lines in my ribbon borders. Oh well, something to learn on my next project.
...finally, enjoying how it all came together to make this cute quilt!

The front:
The back:

I think I like the back as much as the front! I loved adding the bits of color in the binding and the "ribbon" of color in the borders and on the back. Those woven ribbons are my new favorite detail!

Then off it went to Margaret's Hope Chest. What a cool charity! Wanna make them a quilt too?

Creating Abundance and Grandma's Rolls

Last month at my grandmother's funeral, the most frequently used word by the speakers was almost certainly "frugal". Grandma was known for saving all kinds of things for re-use: twisty-ties, bread bags, disposable plastic cups, styrofoam trays used to package meat, wrapping paper. She was teased about it from time to time, yet all of us recognized she lived through a time when you didn't take throwing something away lightly. If it was useful, it got used.

As we talked together in the following days, Grandpa wanted us to really understand her Depression experiences that laid the foundation for frugality. Grandma's family was extremely poor. With no job and a large family, her father struggled constantly to make sure they were all fed. During high school, Grandma had just one dress that she washed and hung every night to dry for the next day of school, putting up with occasionally snide comments from other girls in new new matching sweater sets. She always knew college wouldn't be possible, due to lack of financial resources not academic ability. She learned to make do with what she had and to make other plans when necessary. She learned how to care of things and make them last. She learned the importance of high quality and always worked to create things of excellence. Frugality was part of survival.

A life like this, of altered dreams and doing without, could make one miserly and bitter, but that's not what happened. She chose something different. As the stories others shared and my own memories flood my mind, it is her generosity that stands out to me. She took her impoverished background and created abundance for the people in her life.

• One son shared a memory of watching her willingly prepare and pack a full lunch for a local beggar, simply because he knocked and asked.
  
• Neighbors told of times she brought over food when they were in need.
  
• While home, we slept under a faux fur throw, a remnant of the many "softs" she made her children and grandchildren.
  
• After the funeral, we flipped through photo albums she put together of reunion after reunion where her love for her grandchildren was shown through creating: sewing personalized aprons, leading rock painting activities, or running a family Olympics complete with opening ceremony parades.
  
• I remembered one of her letters from when she was serving alongside my grandfather over a mission in Michigan. She told of the dozens upon dozens of Christmas care packages she made for each of the many missionaries serving with them, packages I knew from the many years she sent them to us.
  
• Her daughter reminisced about her talents as a seamstress. She couldn't remember a single dress, blouse or skirt she owned as a child that wasn't made by her mother.
  
• I shared the story of her careful work assisting on my junior prom dress when we were behind schedule. She sewed meticulously even when I wanted to rush because, um, my date was waiting while it was finished.

Amidst all of these stories and memories, one of Grandpa's comments said it all: her background made her empathetic to the suffering of others. When she saw some one lacking, she sought ways to share with them. When they were down, she sought ways to reach out a lifting hand. Within her family, she made consistent efforts to provide us the best of comfort, nourishment, creativity, beauty and enjoyment. While her life was not one of dramatic public accomplishments, the work of caring for the people around her will always be remarkable to me. I am honored to have known her and to have seen the ways she created abundance.

Today, it felt appropriate to attempt her family-famous rolls for the first time. Her Thanksgiving dinners were always delicious and these rolls were divine. I really struggled through this first attempt, not sure how to work with such unwieldy dough, and yet, I loved every minute of it. It felt like an honor to her legacy of creating bounty for the people you care about.

Hope you feel blessed with abundance this Thanksgiving, including good food.

Grandma's Parker House Rolls

Dissolve in a small bowl:
2 pkgs. yeast (4 1/2 tsp)
1 1/2 cups lukewarm water

Dissolve:
1/2 cup sugar
4 tsp. salt
1 cup scalded milk

When cool, combine mixtures. Add:
4 cups flour
2 eggs
1/4 cup veg. oil

Stir well, then add:
3 3/4 cups sifted flour

Mix well with large spoon, not a mixer. Let rise covered, until double (about 2 hours).

Melt several tablespoons of butter and set aside. Punch down dough with a spoon. Pour (yes, pour) about half of the dough onto very well floured bread board. Sprinkle generously with flour to prevent sticking. Roll to about 1/3 inch thick. Cut rolls with biscuit cutter, score gently with a knife and brush with butter along the crease. Fold in half, pressing the round edge together and transfer to a greased cookie sheet. Lightly brush with melted butter. Let raise until doubled again (about 1 hour). Bake at 400 for 10 minutes. Brush tops with unmelted butter.

The secret to these light rolls is not using too much flour and not handling the dough too much.

Her final, somewhat deceptive notes? "They are so easy to make - just stir them up - raise - roll out and bake. SO SIMPLE!" I think it should say "So STICKY! but worth it!" Mine need a bit of work to find the right balance, but I think I have a few years before I have to have them "Grandma perfect".

True Wealth

Every now and then, my dad calls to tell me how rich he is.

This is the same man who periodically reminds me that he's trying to figure out how to be born to wealthy parents so he'll be set for life, so you can rest assured he's not talking about an investment portfolio or bank balance. No, when my dad says he's rich, it usually means he has an abundance of some delicious food at home, often stockpiled in the freezer.

Maybe live crawfish mailed in from Louisiana, just for a crawfish boil with his daughters.


Or enough of the best Utah peaches (yes, he has copious notes from various taste tests to prove it) in his freezer to provide peaches on his oatmeal all winter long.

Or the first strawberries ripening on the variety he read has the best strawberry flavor ever, but can't be commercially grown because they deteriorate too quickly. (For best results, pop it straight in your mouth once picked.)

(His strawberry starters.)

Yes, when my dad says he's rich, it almost certainly means food, and lots of it.

So tonight, I feel rich to have lots of my favorite, favorite crackers (recipe here) warm out of the oven.

Note: Even with a double batch, I think they're going to disappear quickly. I may have possibly eaten half a baking sheet since starting this post.

Hiking the Hudson...

What I want to remember about today:

That I really wanted to go hiking and we made it happen, in spite of... having to bail on the early hike, missing the train to the later hike, rushing back home for our hiking book and nearly missing the next train, and then discovering that the last train to our hiking destination was the one we missed. Grrrrrr.......but I remember thinking "it's going to be ok" and it was better than ok.

Going up....and up....and up...

Breakneck Ridge

All of the people scrambling up the rocks with us. Everyone seemed to be out on this gorgeous fall day!

Watching the mile-long train across the river, (or was it only a half-mile? a lively debate ensued), while eating a morning snack of bananas and Oreos.

Lots of talking with husband-o, as always...then a bit of solitude on the wooded trail heading back. Nice to stop for a chat, a hug and a reminder to root for the home team!

Go team!

The lonely, lovely stone architecture left from an abandoned dairy, especially all the arches of what must have been a beautiful, large multi-story home.

The light on the stream, the sun shining through the trees, the layers of color...sky, mountain, foliage...

The sugar maple leaves in town. (Right, Alexis? Sugar maples?)


Hot chocolate in town before we headed home, tangy-sweet Ida Red apples with ricotta salata cheese and watching the sun set over the Hudson.

What do you want to remember about this weekend?

Craft Hope Quilt & Limitations

When I decided to make a quilt for Craft Hope's project 5, I knew I'd be working with limitations, if for no other reason than my quilting budget's on the skinny. Along the way, I was reminded that limitations can be great at sparking creativity!

I knew I needed to use mostly fabric I already had, so I pulled out a scrap bag and started with a collection of funky pastel string scraps.

When it didn't make enough blocks, what else could I use? Other backgrounds? Nope, sticking with the scrap bag white.

Could I cut those blocks in half to make them go further?


Hmmmm....in spite of my flying geese love, like the squares better in this case.

Then, there's the "didn't measure twice and no more yellow fabric" limitation I created for myself.

That little strip of color made a big difference. I added it to the other "extra" blocks as well.

This morning, borders. I was quite sure I didn't have anything that would work. I've already been through my stash, but before I ran to the quilt shop, I looked again.

Odd. I tried this for one of the extra block in the middle and thought the color was wrong, but it works for the border.

Each step of the way involved experimenting, trying things out, searching through my stash. The limitations forced me to look at lots of options, come up with new ways to do things and then make decisions of what would be best for this quilt. I loved the creative process and the end result is turning out better than my original plans. I'm having so much FUN integrating a mix of fabrics, working with a balance a movement and stillness and finding new ways to use the focus fabrics! Who knew that limiting my options would improve both the process and the final design so much?

Hooray for quilting on the skinny, huh?

Giveaway winner....

Whose name did hubby draw last night?

Hooray for another excuse to visit V. Special delivery coming right up!

p.s. If you are looking for another yummy giveaway (it's all honey, honey), check this one out!

A Finished Object...and a Giveaway!

Since several people asked, here she is, start to finish.

The part of the fabric that talked its way into my stash...

I just couldn't resist the little dancer!

The quilting...


I was at a loss for how to quilt this. Then, while I was practicing on the little quilt sandwich Shelly gave me, stipple-like quilting just started coming out. It felt good and easy and I instantly knew that's how I wanted to fill the space on this project. Well, it wasn't so easy to do to fill all the varying spaces, stopping and starting, coordinating hand, foot and eye, but when it all worked, it looked like this.

How it looks on my entry table...


And the big picture....

(It's not quite that wonky on the left end. I've got to figure out how to take these pictures better!)

And the giveaway....


It's my 150th post and I want to do something fun. I found this slightly flawed, but endearing book of children and doll quilts on a clearance table. I bought one for me and one to giveaway. And today's the day! I'll draw a random winner on Monday night. If you want to comment, but don't want the book, just say so and I'll keep your name out. I'm sure those who do want it would be thrilled to increase their odds. :)

Have a lovely autumn weekend! It'll be a rainy and busy one here. How 'bout yours?

Making me happy these days...

Harvest Corn on the table.


Quilting (free-motion quilting, mind you) on my new machine...and a Halloween table runner that is almost done. Subway commuting = finishing the binding today!


Yummy brownies.

M.I.A.

I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since I posted here! Life just came up and living it was more important than blogging about it. This time has been.

Delightful...

...sewing with V & Shelly. Honestly, playing in Victoria's scraps and getting machine quilting tips from the amazing Shelly??? Fantastic fun! What inspiring gals! Thanks for letting me crash the party!

Bittersweet...

...going home for my grandmother's funeral. After many years with Alzheimer's it is a relief to know she is no longer suffering, but hard to know she is now completely gone from us, especially from my grandfather. It was wonderful to celebrate the wonderful woman she was and to gather with family (including my sister, who's been in the Caribbean! Hooray!!!).

Purposeful....

spending some time focusing on my home, including printing and hanging photos I like.

Creative....

plugging away on unfinished projects, a bit of sewing, some knitting.

Adventurous....

...going from this...

...to this.....

I think I'll be knitting more warm scarves to keep my bare neck warm this winter! Oooooh, it's chilly!

Reflective....

...attending a women's group, reading great books, talking to loved ones, writing in my journal a lot and thinking about the changes I am seeking. Good me time.

In any event, I'm home again, missing blogging and thinking of you all!

Playing with layout: Autumn quilt

Inspired by a maple leaf quilt, with rows upon rows of large maple leaves, I started piecing the blocks. Growing bored with the simple repetition, I started appliqued leaves and embroidered words. I imagined something like this, with wind-blown leaves tossed across the quilt top.

But I didn't know where my eye should go. There was no direction. Maybe the original structure isn't such a bad idea?


Some combination of both? Oh dear, this version would take forever.


Balancing movement and structure, chaos and order. Still a work in progress.

Life these days

I realized why I've felt a disconnect between my life and the things I typically share on my blog. I'm just not in a very project-y, "life is good, let me show you the pictures" kind of place right now. Yes, I have been crafting and sewing and shopping and cooking and homemaking and visiting inspiring places, but underneath is grief and some upheaval of purpose that seems to keep me from posting about those things.

Last year, when I started making more conscious efforts to focus on what matters most in my life, it felt connected to my preparations for motherhood. I chose to slow down, be home more, focus on family. I said no to projects and simplified the projects I did do. It often ran against my grain, but I felt it was important, part of a higher purpose. I hoped, assumed even, that this time of change would seamlessly blend into pregnancy and motherhood, but it did not. Now, in the midst of that heartache, I sense the need to continue these difficult changes anyway.

So, I'm doing it. I'm working on my daily living. I'm thinking about my marriage, my home, my spirituality, my creativity, my health, my future and trying to care for those things. I'm starting to think that consistency matters far more than I've ever cared to acknowledge and (begrudgingly, at times) trying to learn how to be consistent.

Bleh, it sure feels boring at times. I don't want to blog about boring! You certainly don't need to see the daily stack of clean dishes on my counter (though having the stack be clean on a regular basis is definitely new around here). And I don't want to blog incessantly about heartache, although there are days when I feel chin deep in it. But I do want to blog about life and what my life is. So for now, that it occasionally means sharing some slogging and working through change. Bare* with me, I know the changes will also bring beauty I promise to share too!

*This is why I need an editor. (J.B., you've got the job!) This was not intended to be an invitation to go skinny dipping. Although skinny dipping with all of you lovely bloggers would probably bring a bit of beauty to the world, it would simply be one more thing I wouldn't photograph. This isn't one of those sites.

Foundations of a good marriage

Husband-o: (Eying the last bite of sandwich in one hand and his last chip in the other...serious internal debate occurring.) Which one should be the last bite?

Me: The sandwich. (Pointing to the still 1/2 full bag of chips on the table.) If that's just not satisfying, there are still more chips to munch.

H.: (Smiling.) Brilliant.

Me: Aren't you glad you married me?

H.: You enrich my life every day.

Yes, indeed.

Iraqi Bundles of Love

Anyone else putting one of these together for IBOL?

(Click here to check out the project)

Here's my growing pile...some large folds of cotton, some decorator weight, some yarn, some smaller folds for color (do only quilters love fat quarter sized bits and pieces?), some thread....

Don't you want to help???

Raid your stash this weekend and get a bundle in the mail by the 8th. You can't go wrong sending fabric to someone who wants to sew, for heavens sake. Right?

Quick sewing projects?

Here are last week's "quick" little projects that turned out to not to be "sew" quick projects due to...

(My block for the Pixiedust Gather at Bumble Beans.)

...drafting curving pattern pieces, then attempting machine curved piecing for the first time and fighting it all the way...

and...


...attempting to figure out my rolled hem foot (anyone? I couldn't get it to work consistently), having threading problems (operator error or my NEW machine??? Argh!), bailing on the rolled hem and then fighting the bulk of the corners even after they were trimmed down (They weren't moving at the start of the seam. Is this normal?).

Shouldn't napkins be an easy sewing project??? Hemming four straight edges? It was a frustrating sewing day to say the least. Guess I will take my sewing machine sales shop on those free lessons soon.

Oh well. I love how the block for the Pixiedust Gather turned out and I love seeing homemade napkins when I open my kitchen drawer.


Good bye paper towels at the table! Yes, we were that high class. Call Martha Stewart if you must. Maybe she could show me how to use my rolled hem foot...

Unexpected Benefits

Last night, I took the time to give myself a pedicure, a practically unheard of occurrence in my life. Ahhhh....the indulgent attention. I buffed. I massaged. I cuticle creamed. I trimmed and filed. I lacquered, and then re-lacquered my stubborn big toes. I watched a favorite movie while they dried. Perfection.

Flash forward to my walk home tonight through my 'hood where everyone was out enjoying the lovely night....kids in the streets with baseballs and bats, men playing at domino tables, ladies gossiping on front steps and in lawn chairs, teens chatting and texting, and endless groups of young men just hanging out. Hanging out and passing out compliments (or come-ons) of "God bless you, mami" or "beautiful" or "angelita" to every woman who walks by.

Tonight's compliment? "Beautiful toes."

Why thank you. Thank you for noticing.

I'm Home...

making tortillas...

airing out camping gear...

auditioning fabric for a quilt back...



laughing at my funny cleavage tan
(ummm..my swimsuit might have cut just a bit lower than my sunscreen coverage did)...

and missing my family.